Why You Shouldn’t Be Yourself & Who You Should Be Instead
Chances are at some point you’ve been given the advice to just be yourself. Usually, this comes from well meaning loved ones who genuinely want the best for you and believe this to be helpful. Yet, this can be some of the worse advice to receive because if the characteristics you currently embody don’t serve you or your goals, the notion of being yourself can be more harmful than helpful.
If anything, you would be better served by changing your actions and beliefs to achieve your desired outcomes. Of which the best course of action would not be being yourself, but instead it would be to identify the characteristics of your ideal self and embody them accordingly.
Be yourself is the indoctrination of the fixed mindset; when you believe that your qualities are carved in stone. — Carol Dweck
Ultimately, being yourself is a flawed ideal, it limits one's possibilities whilst keeping them stagnant. Because, whether we like our personality or not, we each have an idea of who we think we are, an avatar of sorts that can become so defined and rigid that it limits our ability to change, making it feel impossible to do so.
The chains of habit are too light to be felt until they are too heavy to be broken. — Warren Buffett
Current Self Challenge —
A major reason why this occurs is that we’re challenging both our own and others' long-held beliefs and perceptions — which can cause an immense amount of resistance. Ultimately, each of us fosters a perceived sense of self that if not regularly challenged or changed becomes reinforced by our environment, the momentum of our beliefs and our closest relationships that mirror back to us who we think we are as a person.
As a result, changing who you are can be both daunting especially if your self-perception is based on things you would like to change or minimise — think sobriety or any life path change that has been regularly reinforced by your daily routine or relationships.
If your new behaviour gives you temporary unpopularity with your peer group, then to hell with them. — Charlie Munger
Much of this stagnation occurs because the characteristics we’ve learnt become habitual actions that we identify with as part of our personality. As a result, anytime we try to improve or change our lives, we go against many of our long-held beliefs and those of our loved ones, creating resistance within us that holds us back from experiencing our full potential.
Yet, for lasting change, a perspective shift is necessary where we must switch from the notion that we’re a certain person with predetermined characteristics to the understanding that we’re ever evolving and capable of changing.
Such a realisation requires you to take full responsibility for your actions and is essential for you to move forward. Because, while society encourages us to stay stagnant by being ourselves, doing so will limit our propensity for both growth and happiness.
Progress equals happiness, happiness comes from progress, progress shows up in the form of growth and in a sense of contribution. — Tony Robbins
Releasing The Old Self —
Considering that much of who we are is the accumulation of our past experiences and who we’ve taught ourselves to be, it makes it essential to realise that becoming your ideal self requires you to unlearn who you think you are so you can become the person you dream of.
Ultimately, your new life will cost you certain elements of your old one — where you will need to shift who you are on a fundamental level to alchemise into your ideal self and experience lasting changes.
To do so, it’s imperative to outline who your ideal self is. Because, while we might have an idea of who we think we want to be, identifying their specific traits and characteristics and embodying them accordingly is what will help bridge the gap between who you are and who you want to become.
Being Your Best Self —
In this sense, you manifest or become your best self by acting as if you are them — building the momentum in doing so and cultivating the conditions to be so aligned that it’s the next logical step for it to unfold; where you experience the results that come with being your ideal self and live it as part of your life experience.
As with any change, these adjustments may initially feel foreign — you may have to change your environment, the things you do, the thoughts you think and the people you surround yourself with. Yet, such is the price we must pay to become our best selves, and a necessary part of evolving.
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs but as the votes build up so does the evidence of your new identity. — James Clear
Ultimately, becoming your best self requires consistency and dedication, such a transformation does not occur linearly nor does it occur in the moments where it’s easy to embody those traits but in the times when you catch your former self trying to pull you back but you stay grounded and aligned in the person you’re becoming.
Contrary to popular belief, your authentic self is your ideal self because it’s the version of you that wants to evolve, change and grow — it’s part of who you are and why you’re having this life experience. As such, becoming your ideal self is not simply something to wish for but a duty you have to uphold not simply for yourself but also those you care for.
Remember, who you are right now isn’t unchangeable, it’s simply the result of your previous decisions and who you’ve taught yourself to be. Therefore, if your current actions and thoughts aren’t producing the outcomes you want don’t just be yourself.
Instead, ask yourself who you want to be, identify the thoughts, actions, beliefs and habits of your ideal self and implement them until you bridge the gap between who you are now and the person that achieves your dreams and desires.
Recommended Reading —
Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza
Atomic Habits by James Clear
Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz